BLAZE WYNDHAM BY BERTRICE SMALL PDF

Blaze Morgan, at 15, is the eldest of Lord Robert Morgan’s eight spirited but loving daughters, and the financially strapped aristocrat is relieved to have her. Title: Blaze Wyndham Author: Bertrice Small Publication Info: Onyx/NAL Reprint , Original ISBN: Genre: Historical. From the New York Times bestselling “resigning queen of romance” (Literary Times), comes a love story on a grand scale, featuring an innocent country girl.

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Preview — Blaze Wyndham by Bertrice Small. From the New York Times bestselling “resigning queen of romance” Literary Timescomes a love story on a grand scale, featuring an innocent country girl who catches the eye of the most powerful man in England-and filled with all the sensuality, drama, and thrilling intrigues of Henry Tudor’s glittering sixteenth century court Paperbackpages.

Published May 6th by NAL first published To see what your friends thought of this book, please sign up. To ask other readers questions about Blaze Wyndhamplease sign up. Lists with This Book. It was my flavor of the month, book-wise, and I’d been slowly chipping away at the page count via many a waiting room, bus ride, and lunch break. The beginning was decent, but towards the middle it began to falter and get In my tipsy state, the book to Instagram Twitter Facebook Amazon Pinterest Last week, I was out drinking with friends and then took public transportation home DrinkResponsibly.

In my tipsy state, the book took on a highly comedic tone, which led me to a rather interesting and possibly slightly drunken philosophical thought: Everyone says Blaze is made for breeding, and a titled lord named Edmund is so desperate for offspring that he’s not only willing to marry beneath him, but also offer Blaze a generous dowry in exchange for a crack at her advantageous proportions.

But because he’s a busy man, she has to marry a proxy – his nephew, Anthony – who is so taken with Blaze and her fantastic Although does that stop him from watching his uncle and Blaze do the nasty? The book gets really crazy in the middle when Edmund dies in a hunting accident and then newly widowed Blaze ends up becoming King Henry VII’s unwilling mistress.

He has to blackmail her into it by threatening to take her children away from her.

Then he forces her to marry Anthony, who she hates because she blames him for her husband’s death. All of Blaze’s sisters get married to men old enough to be their fathers, and there are pages and pages of how eager these preteens are to “do it” with these older men, to the point that they even spy on other people having sex for pointers.

Bertrice Small always used to come up with these ridiculous plots. Her heroines are always uncomfortably young, there’s always some jealous she-witch who’s precociously sexual and is not above using such shamefully wanton acts to seduce men the harlots!

It’s like someone read LITTLE WOMEN, and thought, aww, hey, a book about a bunch of independent sisters – let’s make them all get married and have sex0rs and then start popping out babies by the basketful. I think I figured it out you guys. BLAZE WYNDHAM is republican propaganda designed to fool women into thinking that marriage and kids is all they need out of life, and that vlaze control and smalll experimentation are foils of villainous harlots doomed to die for their treachery.

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Some of the book’s crowning achievements: Anne Boleyn and Blaze have jealous cat-fight showdown in which Blaze flaunts her naked body and says, “You think you can do better than this?

His mouth closed over one of her nipples, and he drew sharply on the sentient little crest She soared like one of her hunting wyndhsm from the falconry. Soared straight and true into the burning blue of the heavens until she thought she could go no higher, only to discover that beyond the blue lay a new zone of fiery gold.

Uncaring of anything, she hurled herself toward certain destruction, and she cared not, because it was too wonderful.

The pleasure burst over her like honeyed wine, and at the same time she heard him cry aloud with satisfaction as his own passion exploded Overly sexual villain-woman’s speech: I have more than enough to go around. You could have me one at a time, or I have even been known to take three men at once. One of you in my burning sheath, which even now aches to be stuffed with a hard and throbbing cock such as I know you each possess.

One of you in my ass, for my French and Italian lovers schooled me well in that particular perversion. The third in wynhdam little mouth, but do not be fooled for I am able to swallow the largest cock after I have tongued it to pleasure” Part of me wants to give this book a 1-star because it was pretty bad, even by Bertie standards.

But on the other hand, it was so bad that I’m kind of in awe. It’s like one of those viral fail videos, where the fail itself is so perfectly executed that wndham almost, almost is an art onto itself. View all 17 comments. Unfortunately the title is misleading in its titular character blandness. This is a romance that needs the Harlequin Title Generator tm.

I blame those pesky hormones. The repetitious nothingness sucks. The baby obsession really sucks. How many times can you read about women having babies? And these same women emphasizing the need for boys boys boys to keep the primogeniture engine of England humming?

Every pregnancy is greeted with nervous hopes or smug contentment that the sacred wombs carry an infant with a penis attached.

It doesn’t matter if Blaze is at her country estate mulling her own breeding state, those of her sisters, wyndhzm Queen Catherine herself. Fuck you and your dreams and your personality and your faith.

Questions?

Keep cranking them out, because that’s your duty and what your lord wants. And if you can’t, then GTFO. Now, this female-enabled patriarchal bullshit tends to normally be thick and deep in a Bertie Small book, but usually smll is some cracktastic plot that offsets the pratings of these smug and satisfied walking gestation chambers. Skye O’Malley rarely gets off the crazytrain adventure roller coaster.

Blaze Wyndham by Bertrice Small | : Books

Other heroines of hers have the same globe-trotting shenanigans and formal or informal reigning powers that can Make Shit Happen. These chicks go places, see people, run up against mustache-twirling baddies and alien cultures, escape assassinations and order executions. She gets married again. Her sisters smqll married. Another sister moons after her second husband. But eventually gets abducted and married.

And no doubt pregnant within a fortnight. I bet she had a boy. It’s one maudlin wallow in domesticity after another wyhdham nobody really goes anywhere.

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wmall It’s like the most mundane family-centric filler of every Regency series about siblings all crammed into one book. She thinks and feels nothing of substance. Her beauty is a mask for her barren character. She loves to have her way, and she makes both her wants and what she perceives to be her duty to be the same thing.

And she wants a fucking medal for it. You can s,all a litter. She’s pious and moralizing and insufferable. She holds herself up as a model of aristocratic womanhood and badgers everyone to act as she would act because her actions are right. And everyone falls in line and can’t stop themselves from singing her praises.

Was this suffocating Sueishness nertrice a point a sign of an author in search of a book with a looming deadline? Just take some concepts and bang away on them and call it a story?

Blaze Wyndham by Bertrice Small – FictionDB

The writing was certainly rushed and lazy in spots. The line “I loved you since the moment I first saw you” showed up more than once. At the end, Blaze mumbles the whole plot heretofore in her brain while in a delirium during a bout of sweating sickness. The only “interesting” thing that even smacked of Bertie’s usual nutball plotting was the evil French slut natch Henriette who has a cabinet of poisons and wants to steal Blaze’s man. But that pesky little plot thread is taken care of nearly as soon as it begins and the story goes back to Blaze trying to manipulate people into doing what she and Henry want because of loyalty and patriotism and shit.

The court drama could fill a thimble. We only hear about other people at court in the context of whether they want to bang her Thomas Seymoursend her away Anne Boleynor use her as a buffer between Hal and Boleyn Wolsey. That only takes a line or two, maybe a couple paragraphs at most, so the rest of the time can be spent on important shit like Blaze pondering that she’s not getting pregnant by Henry because they’re not really in love.

Since her adored and adoring husband knocked her up, her logic is flawless in Blaze’s dusty cupboard of a brain. Why Blaze inspires such admiration and devotion is only through the grace of the author. She’s really a colossal cow, a manipulative moo of the highest order. The bint has received some education, but knows practically nothing about her own country.

The War of the Roses is an entirely new thing to her. But don’t worry, Husband 1 is sure to inform her of important things like barren Joan of Valois’s voluntary retirement into a convent so Louis XII can marry a fertile princess and save France with a male heir. A factoid she whips out in her mooish brow-beating of Catherine of Aragon to do her duty by Henry and England and give poor, beleaguered Hal his divorce.

The scene’s Mary Sue cherry on top is that Catherine says if Henry was going to marry Blaze, who is modest and humble and good and kind and loyal and knows her bootlicking placethen she would totes step aside. Fuck Blaze, fuck her sisters, fuck all their doormat spouses, and fuck their children too. This was a buddy read.